Sexperiment – The Sexperiment by Ed Young

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The North Texas pastor who once challenged his congregation, will now spend 24 hours in bed with his wife and stream it live on the Internet.

Fellowship Church Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa, who have in the past garnered national attention for their innovative and frank approach to discussing marriage, including infidelity, are launching a 24-hour “Sexperiment” to help promote a biblical view to show people “how it’s done God’s way can lead to a life punctuated by exclamation marks—a life full of passion, purpose, and pleasure,” according to a statement on the church’s website.

The experiment will place the couple in a bed on top of Fellowship Church where, for 24 hours, they will not only eat and sleep, but they will conduct bedside interviews, talk via Skype with friends from around the world and discuss the biblical view of this subject in a marriage.

The whole point, it seems, is to encourage married couples to build lasting relationships through intimacy with their spouse.  For those who take part, a companion book is available with all proceeds going to Fellowship Church.

The event begins at 6 a.m. Friday.

Young is the founding pastor of megachurch Fellowship Church.  The main campus is in Grapevine while there are satellite campuses in Plano, Fort Worth, Dallas and Miami, Fla.

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Church might be the last place congregants would expect to talk about this subject, but a brash new crop of preachers are starting to aggressively tackle the taboos of intimacy from the pulpit, or in some cases, from the roof of their church.

Evangelical Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa of Grapevine, Texas, said Christians have been unenthusiastic and unimaginative about this for far too long. To demonstrate their point, the couple had an elaborate “bed-in” event, in which they had a crane lift a bed onto the top of their Grapevine congregation’s church and settled in for the next 24 hours to talk about their favorite topic.

“I think in the Christian world, there are so many people who are uneasy about this,” Ed Young said. “Most married couples want to have this, but they’re not having enough.”

“For far too long, the church has been completely silent about something God has not been silent about at all,” said Lisa Young.

In their radical new book, “The Sexperiment,” the Youngs challenge heterosexual Christian married couples — LGBT and unwed singles need not apply.

“The first place to have that talk is in the home,” added his wife. “The second place to have that talk is in the church.”

Their “bed-in” was modeled after an event first put on in 1969 by gleeful blasphemers John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The Youngs said they are trying to take the topic back from a popular culture that has perverted it.

“The sad thing is that our culture is throwing all these cues, all words, all these pictures of what this represents to our children, to couples to spouses, to husbands and wives, and it’s not working out well for marriages,” Lisa Young said.

The Youngs point out that the topic is discussed throughout the Bible. For example, in the rather risqué Song of Solomon 4:3, two lovers rhapsodize about each other’s lips and mouth: “Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy talk is comely: thy temples are within thy locks as a piece of a pomegranate.”

And there’s even a passage in Song of Solomon 4:16 that includes coming into the garden and eating the pleasant fruit, which has been interpreted by some Biblical scholars as a reference to oral : “Arise, O north, and come O south, and blow on my garden that the spices thereof may flow out: let my well beloved come to his garden, and eat his pleasant fruit.”

While the Youngs insist their “Sexperiment” is about improving marriages, not a how-to guide, another book written by a different pastor and his wife from Seattle comes very close to just that.

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Lisa:  Also, if you look at the ministries here at Fellowship Church, because women have been stamped with this nurturing ability, many of the ministries here at the church are fueled by the energy of women.

Ed:  That’s one of the great things about a large church is the fact that we can be so detailed in our ministries.  We have one ministry, Lisa, called “Hand in Hand” ministry over in our Preschool/Children’s area that actually deals with parents who have lost children or those who are going through difficult times.  Who fuels that?  Do men fuel that?  Are you kidding me?  Women fuel that.  That’s just one example.

Lisa:  The beauty of that is that stamped lived out in our lives.   But there are times that our nurturing can become misdirected.

Ed:  Misdirected.  So maybe what women need here, Lisa, would be a misdirectomy.

Lisa:  That’s not exactly what I was saying.

Ed:  Oh, okay.  That was bad.  I know it was.

Lisa:  Sometimes our nurturing can be misdirected.  God has a perfect plan to utilize the stamp of nurturing in our lives, but when we become misdirected, all of a sudden our time and our energies are Pac Manned and we are not able to focus on that which God has intended for us to do.

Ed:  So you are saying that, as a women, you can sort of OD on nurturing or nurture in the wrong areas and you miss the most important areas.

Speaking of marriage and speaking of the priority of the spouse-centric family, I want to share with you the top six reasons why God created Eve.  This comes from the desk of Barbara Johnson.  Number six: God knew that Adam would always be lost in the Garden because men hate to ask for directions.  Number five: God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the remote.  Number four: God knew that Adam would never buy another fig leaf when his wore out.  Number three: God knew if the world was to be populated men would never be able to handle childbearing.  Well, that’s the truth.  Number two: After God created Adam, he said, “I can do better than that.”  Now, guys, I’m picking on us today.  Next weekend it’s another story.  And the top reason why God created Eve?  God knew that his way works: one man, one woman, in marriage, and that relationship taking precedence over the entire family formula.

Let’s go to another location, Dateville.  Attentionville, Night-night-ville, and Dateville.  I’ve been talking about this for years now.  I encourage couples to date at least twice a month.  I’m talking about you and your spouse going out alone.  When I have the opportunity to speak around the country, to leaders or pastors, usually during a Q-and-A they’ll ask me this question.  They’ll say, “Well, Ed, tell me about your personal life.  What’s the most important thing in your family?”  No doubt about it, I always say this: “No question, the most important thing in my family is my date night with Lisa.”  Eight years ago, we installed a date night.  It has revolutionized our connection.  It’s like an oasis, oftentimes, in the middle if the desert.  It’s great!

About a month ago, Lisa and I went for about four weeks without a date night.  I was doing some speaking, and we did some traveling.  We could tell, both of us, we could feel that marital drift going on.  If you aren’t having a regular, strategic date night, please do it.

Here’s how it plays out.  It happens when you’re alone, as a husband and wife, after the kids have gone to Night-night-ville.  Then you do this: you pick up the phone.  That is part of the Love-Bug virus.  Keep your phone calls to a minimum.  Lisa and I take our phone off the hook four or five nights a week.  Just take it off.  It’s a great thing.  Now, I’m not saying you never talk on the phone, but you have the realistic thing going on.

Something else that causes this virus and messes marriages up as far as spending quality time is that people get invoved in housework or work from the office.  “Oh, well, the kids are in bed.  Let me just go to the study and do this, let me just prepare for the next message and think about this, and maybe I’ll go over here and vaccuum.”  Now and then there are some exceptions, but for the most part, don’t do it.

This next one’s the big one.  Another part of this Love-Bug virus is when we pick up the remote.  “We just watch TV together, Ed.  That’s what we do.  We love to watch TV together.”  Now, when we watch television we don’t care what our spouse is doing.  Come on.  We’re just into the deal.  Watching television.  Television is fine, but for the most part, it’s a vast wasteland of garbage.  It is.  And once you begin to really get serious about the Love-Bug virus, suddenly you begin to have eye contact.  Suddenly you begin to talk and make some sentences, and then you’ll respond, and guys, there’s no telling where it might lead!  “Oh, man, I just can’t go a night without watching CNN and ESPN.  CNBC, whoa.”  1 Corinthians 14:40: “But all things,” Attentionville, Night-night-ville, “All things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.”

Picture yourself walking down the streets of Jerusalem, of J town, and you see some friends talking.  They are your good friends and you walk up and join them.  At first they are talking about typical guy stuff, sports, business but suddenly the conversation turns to politics.  One friend mentions what he believes and asks for your opinion.  You respond by sharing your views on the political scene in Jerusalem and while you are talking you see your friend’s face become red with anger and he backhands you across the face, two or three times right in front of your friends.  Your manhood is at stake.  Your anger is skyrocketing.  You know you could knock this guy to the middle of next week if you wanted to.  You just want to take this person out.  Jesus said in the greatest sermon ever preached, this is the moment of truth.  What are you going to do?  Jesus says you should exhibit a supernatural, satisfying, non-revengeful type attitude to this person who has just slapped you in front of your friends.  Dig down deep and be a true man. Absorb the slap, take the insult and exhibit to him a supernatural, satisfying, non-revengeful type attitude.  Jesus says that if you do that, it can mark a person for life.  So Christ instructs you to look at the man who has insulted you and realize that he matters to God, realize that he was bought with a price, realize that God needs someone to love him through and that person is you and do it.  Do it.  Don’t seek revenge.

Now can’t you imagine the response of the disciples and His largely Jewish audience.  They lived in a revenge oriented society.  If you don’t believe me, travel to the Middle East.  And don’t point your finger too quickly because we live in a revenge oriented society today, in sports, in business, in politics, in family relationships.  An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.  I will get you back.

I want to list for you, though, God’s three-ingredient recipe toward super sex in marriage. If you take your bulletins and look, you will see a pink recipe card for you to keep.  You can file this card and  share the recipe with others. Something funny about sexuality, in a normal sermon I ask you to take out a pen, a piece of paper and jot down some notes.   “Honey, do you have a pen? Yes, okay. It’s somewhere. Well, I don’t want to look through this stuff”.  When I talk about sex though, you get ready to do.  It’s like Ken Norton this afternoon when he goes against the Packers, he’s ready to go.

These ingredients are progressive and they are necessary. The first ingredient is that we have to have the right outlook regarding this bowl called sexuality in marriage. We’ve got to have the right outlook because our outlook determines our actions. If I don’t have the proper outlook, then I will not make the proper actions in the bedroom. A couple of years ago, I went down to Houston with my family to visit my parents. Dad and Mom had bought a brand new television set and they had two remote controls. I was by myself in the den trying to figure out how to work this crazy television. The picture was distorted; it was twisted. Finally, I’d had enough.  “Dad, would you come out here and show me how to work these crazy remote controls?” I handed them to my father. He pushed one button, boing! A beautiful, pristine, sharp, clear picture. Think about it. Too many of us have our controls, our sexuality, in our own hands. We are looking at the user instead of the inventor of sex, when our Heavenly Father is right there.  If we’ll give Him the controls, He’ll push one button and suddenly the picture will be clear and sharp and we’ll see who we are sexually before a holy God.

It’s to show them that God loves them, that they matter to him, and that they matter to other people.  Once a person comes to the conclusion that they know Jesus Christ and that they matter in the eyes of God, then they have a healthy self-esteem, a different attitude, a new outlook on life, and it really revolutionizes who they are.

This past week I looked at a photo album of my sister-in-law and her husband’s new house.  They’re building a gorgeous custom home in Columbia, South Carolina.  The first picture in this photo album is a scene of their two boys, Stephen and Nathan, leaning against the yard sign on their lot.

It said, “Future Home Site of Smith and Laurie Parrish,” and named the builder.  Behind them was this acre-and-a-half lot of giant trees, rolling hills – kind of like the Metroplex.  It is a gorgeous place.  I began to look through the pictures and it showed the men pouring the foundation, it showed the framework, it showed the finish-out work and all the sub-contractors working diligently to make this into a beautiful home, which indeed it is.

But as I was thumbing through that photo album I thought about God and I thought about how God looks at your life and at my life.  When God sees you, when God sees me, He sees a lot.  That’s right, you are a lot.  A beautiful lot.  If you know Jesus Christ, God has placed on that lot a sign that says “Future Customized Supreme Self-Esteem of Ed Young,” or “of Mark Metroplex,” or “of Molly Metroplex.”

That should really fire you up.  God says He will work overtime because He is the quintessential custom home builder.  He says He will work overtime to make this incredible self-esteem structure in our lives.  That’s great news.  God accomplishes this by giving us building materials and supplies, and He sub-contracts you and me to help Him build a supreme self-esteem in others.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is a lot of power.

We talked to Vicki Ingram about her vocation.  Whatever you do, whether you are a homemaker or a CEO, on a construction site or a basketball court, you were put there by God Himself.  Everything we do should be an act of worship.  And for it to be an act of worship, we should think about priorities.  What are your priorities and what are you doing to hold them high and true and to keep them in line with the Bible.  God, spouse if it applies, children if you have them, work and church.

Then we move over to the coaches and the issue of workalcholism.  A lot of us are dealing with this.  That is why we should stop working and start worshipping regularly.  That is why we should get involved in the local church.  That is why we should have a regular date night, a time when we draw away.  Maybe some of us need to include our children more in what we do.

Maybe you deal with difficult people regularly, like John.  Maybe you are dealing with someone right now who is wearing you out.  Maybe the person is a jerk or an igmo that we talked about.  Proverbs 15:1, watch you tone and remember too that God often puts difficult people in our paths as a test, as a character builder.  If you know John very well, you know that John is a man of great character, not flawless but great character.  And one of the reasons is that he is seeing dealing with difficult people through the eyes of God.

And finally, Anita, the solution to temptation.  Temptation is real.  The Bible says that temptation is not the sin, it is the trap of temptation.  You face many temptations that we will not face, yet you regularly think about God’s take on it, you regularly know that you need to avoid the traps.  It is much more difficult to live the Christian life.  Christianity is not an easy thing.  It is far easier to say, well if it feels good, do it.  Yet, once we know Christ, He will give us the strength to do it.  When we talk about temptation, we know that the Evil One’s power is second only to the power of Christ.  We have the greatest One in our lives.  But the Evil One is real, powerful and wants all of us to take a swan dive into the cesspool of sin.

I really believe these words have been challenging to us.  And you can see from these on the stage that they are living out what is being taught from the Bible weekly here.  So it is my prayer that you can find someone on stage that you can connect with, say hi and thank them for their words.  And think about those things that we have discussed over the last five week.  I guarantee you something.  The next five weeks will even be better than the previous five as we continue to do this great process called CORPORATE MAKEOVER.

I can still see that Children’s Bible that my Mom used to read to me.  I was two, three years of age.  I can still see that picture of David and Goliath, the giant ready to take out the little Hebrew hillbilly.  I remember it.  Don’t think your children don’t.  Here is what the Bible says.  Deuteronomy 6:7, “Commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again.”  We are to get involved, Moms, in championing those spiritual values, in capturing those teachable moments.  And you never know when a teachable moment will occur.

According to The Sexperiment Moms are usually the ones who take the initiative to bring the family to church.  I know today that we have a lot of men here.  And you are here because of the special invitation presented to you by your wife, the mother of your children.  You might not realize it but multitudes of you guys have been prayed for for a long, long time.  I know that you will give the mother of your children the roses, the Hallmark card and maybe a day at the spa or whatever.  And those gifts are fine and dandy.  But the greatest gift that many of you could ever give her would be the reality that you have received the gift of Jesus Christ into your life.  That you have established that personal relationship that Coach Gailey was talking about.

You see, guys, a lot of you have toys and trinkets and trophies and corner offices and positions and money and all this stuff.  But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter.  You are not really ready to live until you are ready to die.  You don’t want to think about it very much, men.  You kind of what to put it off, but you are one heartbeat away from spending an eternity either in heaven or in hell.  And right now you can put off what I am saying.  You can count ceiling tiles and lights and think about the brunch, but it comes down to this.  You are a much loved man.  You are loved so much that God respects your private decision.  Even though you have sinned, even though you have messed up, even though you have fallen short.  And let me strop right here and say. Ed Young tells us that men, we have the uncanny ability to contrast ourselves with others.  We say, “Oh, I sin much less than him.  I am doing a lot better than that person.”  And we always compare ourselves to other people who aren’t doing quite as well as we think we are.  But the Bible say to stop comparing yourselves.